


Don't Wait For The Sky To Clear

by makingmoviesinmyhead



Category: Friday Night Lights
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-16
Updated: 2014-09-16
Packaged: 2018-02-17 16:32:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2316158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makingmoviesinmyhead/pseuds/makingmoviesinmyhead
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Instead of being strong and moving on, she holds on to the one thing that she can't have, that was never hers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Wait For The Sky To Clear

 

  
_But do you know_  
That when you go  
I fall apart  
-The Good Kind, The Wreckers

She never thought that having a broken heart would literally, physically hurt. It hurt to breathe; it hurt talk, to think and to sleep. Her ears hurt listening to music and her eyes burned when she watched tv or tried to read more than a page of anything. And because of the pain she really thinks it should be easy to get over him, but it’s not. Not even a little bit. Not that they were anything exclusive, ever. Hell, all they did was sneak around and make out in the janitor’s closet or drive up to the cliffs whenever she could get away from her parents. But in that small time frame she was completely his and she liked it that way.

It shouldn’t have come as a surprise to her though, when Tim Riggins ended things. And she sure as hell didn’t think it was going to hurt as much as it did. But she’s trying her hardest to get over him. She’s realized that she can’t live the rest of her high school years wishing for something that’s never going to happen.

 And just as she thinks that she’s finally moving on, Julie watches him drive past the Alamo Freeze in his stupid truck. And hell, if it doesn’t hurt feeling her heart breaking all over again.

Ugh, she really should have never offered to pick up dinner but she figured it would be a small distraction. What she forgot though, is that in this small town there were no such things as distractions.  She looks down, scuffs her shoe on the parking lot asphalt and continues the trek to her car.

*

“Jules, honey? Is that you?” She hears her mom call out to her as she closes the front door.

“Yeah, mom. Dinner’s here.”

“Thanks sweetheart. As soon as your dad gets home we’ll have dinner.”

She drops the bags of food off on the dining room table and makes up some random excuse as to why she’s skipping dinner tonight and heads to her bedroom.  She changes into a pair of old sweatpants and crawls onto her bed and into the comfort of her warm blankets; laying there she counts the glow in the dark stars on her ceiling over and over, until sleep consumes her.

*

She spends her time trying to avoid him and for the most part it works. So, she’s completely thrown off when she catches him staring at her from across the hall. He smiles at her but she doesn’t smile back. Instead, she turns around, slams her locker door shut and practically runs to her next class; her long blond hair flying behind her.

And for the rest of the day she’s pretty much pissed off at the entire world and especially at Tim because he doesn’t have the right to mess with her emotions. She kind of almost wants to go confront him and ask him what the hell he’s doing but decides against it; just being near him would leave her inconsolable and she really doesn’t want to cry anymore. She’s already done enough of that.

So, she doesn't. On the contrary, she walks out to the student parking lot during lunch and once she spots his truck, heads straight to it. Making sure no one else is around, she gives the tire a good kick. _This feels amazing_ she thinks as she continues to kick the old beat up tire, letting out every single frustration she’s let built up inside of her over the last couple of months.  She doesn’t stop until she feels her foot go numb. Gathering her hair up in a ponytail, she lets out a heavy breath into the chilly Texas air.

*

Just when she thinks things couldn’t get any more difficult for her, the sky opens up and the rain comes crashing down on Dillon. Julie makes it across the student parking lot as fast as she can, the note that Tim inconspicuously dropped on her desk as he walked out of chemistry class burning a hole in her back pocket.  She’s refused to read it all day but now in the safety of her small car, she slowly opens the piece of paper. Soggy as it might be from the rain, she can still read it clearly. _Meet me behind the locker room after practice;_ it says. She lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding in and puts the note back in her pocket.  A single tear runs down her cheek and she quickly wipes it away with the sleeve of her sweater. She told herself that she was done with the crying. But she knows deep down inside that it won’t be the last tear she sheds over Tim Riggins.

She doesn’t meet him. Instead, she curls up on the living room couch with her mom and they watch _The Notebook_ and eat popcorn. And when the tears come, she’s relieved she can blame it on the movie. She convinces herself that the tears are a result of the love story unfolding before her.  But she knows that she’s broken a promise to herself.  Instead of being strong and moving on, she holds on to the one thing that she can’t have, that was never hers.

*

Julie drives by his house a few times on a dreary day in the middle of November. Just goes in circles and circles, almost making herself dizzy. She has no clue why she’s doing this; she shouldn’t even be in the vicinity of his neighborhood. And she feels so stupid because she _shouldn’t_ be doing this. The regret gnawing in the pit of her stomach for not meeting him when he asked shouldn’t be there. But it is and it just won’t go away. It’s there from the moment she wakes up till the moment her eyes close with weariness at night. And it grows with intensity whenever she catches glimpses of him in the hallways at school; on games nights when he leaves his heart out on the football field. God, he looks beautiful on that football field.

She has to stop doing this to herself she thinks, as she rolls her window down to let the cool air in before the confines of her car suffocate her. She has to let him go. And it would be so much easier if she hated him, but she doesn’t. She’s in love with Tim Riggins, has been since the first time she felt his warm hand grab a hold of hers, and there’s not a damn thing she can do about it.

She drives past his house one more time and then heads in the opposite direction. Past the Alamo Freeze and the high school; to the outskirts of town where empty houses sit on empty lots of overgrown grass. And she feels just like those houses look, cold and untouched and a little unloved.

*

Thanksgiving is an uneventful day, probably the most uneventful holiday of Julie’s life and she’s very glad for that. Aunt Shelly spends the day with them and her presence brings a sort of disturbance to her never-ending cycle of heartbreak, and it’s a relief. For a while she forgets about Tim as she vicariously lives through Shelly’s many dates gone bad and the strange couple that came to see the latest house she’s so desperately trying to sell.

The highlight of the day though is when Buddy Garrity shows up. At first she thinks that it’s going to completely ruin this almost perfect day, but to her surprise, it only makes it better. Shelly would say the opposite though as Buddy spends the entire evening flirting with her. And Julie has no idea why that amuses her so much, but she thinks it’s probably because it’s the first time in a long time that she hears herself genuinely laugh. And it feels really good.

But all too soon, the day comes to an end and the ache in her heart returns.

*

She’s sitting on the cold bleachers sharing a blanket with Tyra, the frosty night air pinching their cheeks. Tyra’s talking a mile a minute about how she thinks she did on her history exam earlier that day and Julie’s just glad she can focus her attention on anything but what’s currently happening on the football field. She doesn’t even want to take a peek because if she does, she’s afraid that she’ll spend the entire time looking for the boy with the number 33 on his jersey.

“Hey, you wanna stay over at my house tonight?” Tyra asks, wrapping the blanket a little tighter around herself.

“Uh, sure. If my parents say it’s okay. I’ll ask them after the game.”

“I was thinking maybe we could rent _Pretty In Pink_ and _Say Anything_ and pig out on ice cream.”

“I’d like that.” Julie gives her a small smile and nods. “I bought _The Breakfast Club_ the other day. I’ll bring that with me.”

“80’s night,” Tyra says with a swing to her hips. There’s a laughter in her voice that makes Julie laugh and she feels seventeen and carefree again; something she hasn’t felt in awhile.

*

Julie goes Christmas tree shopping with her parents and Gracie Belle on the first weekend in December. She would rather be at home in her warm pajamas than walking around some lot made to resemble a mountain side in the freezing cold, but her dad bribed her with a hot peppermint mocha from Starbucks and she really couldn’t refuse.

Looking at Gracie’s eyes go wide at all the twinkling lights and the fake snow on the ground, she forgets about her discomfort and the icy air pinching at her exposed skin. Taking her sister by the hand, they make their way to where their parents are standing, marveling at a giant of a tree.

“This is it Jules,” her father shouts with excitement as he lifts Gracie into his arms. “What do you think Gracie? You like it?”

Julie chuckles under her breath, amused at her dad’s enthusiasm. “It’s beautiful isn’t it honey?” her mom asks, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

“Yeah, it’s nice,” she nods.  “What kind of tree is it?”

Before her dad has a chance to answer, they’re interrupted by Billy and a very pregnant Mindy. And Tim. She can feel her throat tighten and it’s getting harder for her to breathe. She says a quick hello before she takes Gracie from her dad. Julie chances a glance at Tim as she walks past him and doesn’t miss the longing in his eyes and she’s almost sure she sees a little regret in them too. They make their way to the gift shop, she tells her mom it’s to get in from the cold but she knows there’s no way she could have stayed another second out there with him so close without saying or doing something stupid.

She’s relieved when she walks through the shop door, the warmness of the room enveloping her. She can breathe easily once again as she walks around with Gracie in her arms. As they stare in wonder at all the pretty snow globes,   she whispers in her sister’s ear to never fall in love because it’ll only end in heartache.

*

It’s the Saturday before Christmas and she’s been holed up in her bedroom for most of the day. She got a head start on her English paper which isn’t due until the last week of January. And now, she’s sprawled on her bed reading _Jane Eyre_. She’s just started on the third chapter when she hears a soft knock on her door. She looks up just as her mom peaks her head inside her room.

“Honey,” her mom says, a strange look on her face, “Tim Riggins is on the phone for you.” Julie puts her book down as her mom hands her the phone. She just shrugs and waits until she leaves the room before speaking into the phone.

“Tim, why are you calling my house?” She spits angrily.

“Would you have answered if I would’ve called your cell?”

“What do you want Tim?” She asks running a hand through her hair. Of course she wouldn’t have answered.

“S’what I thought. Look Jules, all I want is to talk to you. Meet me at the field in half an hour.” She doesn’t answer right away, thinking about what it’s going to feel like to see him if she agrees to this.

“Fine.” She presses the end call button before he has a chance to say anything.  Julie leaves the comfort of her bedroom and makes her way to the living room.

”Why is Tim Riggins calling you?” Her dad asks as she puts the phone back on its charger.

“He wanted to know if I could help him with his English homework. He’s reading _The Red Badge of Courage_ and he has no idea what’s going on in the book and he has to read the entire thing by the time we go back to school.”

“Are you gonna help him?”

“Yes, father,” she answers, rolling her eyes. “I’m going to meet him at the library in 20 minutes.”

“I guess that’s fine, but curfew still applies,” he says sternly, hands on his hips.

“I know, dad.”

*

She looks up at the dark grey sky. She swears that if it snowed in Dillon, that’s exactly what would be happening. It’s freezing and Julie really wishes she would have brought a thicker jacket. She hasn’t even crossed the parking lot yet and she can’t feel her toes anymore. It’s probably a sign that she shouldn’t have agreed to meet Tim here.

As she gets closer to the football field, she spots him on the bleachers, sitting at the very top. She makes her way up the steps slowly, contemplating the entire time whether she should just turn around and leave.

He doesn’t turn to look at her as she sits down. There’s an uncomfortable silence between them as she turns to look at him and waits for him to speak.

“How have you been?”

Julie laughs but there’s no humor behind it. “Really Tim? That’s how you want to start this conversation? I mean, I have no idea why I’m here but you haven’t talked to me in months- the five minute conversation we had on the phone half an hour ago doesn’t count,” She tells him before he can come up with a sarcastic remark. “And you want to know how I’ve been?”

She looks up to see him smile but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “I’ve been just great, Tim,” she nods, a fake smile on her face. “Walking around numb from the inside, feeling only half alive. You asked me to forget about you and I’ve been trying really hard to do that but I love you Tim and I don’t know how to stop.” She’s crying now and she doesn’t care anymore.

She feels his warmth surround her as he cradles her face in his hands. She sighs and leans into his touch because she doesn’t want to fight it anymore. She doesn’t want to fight the fact that she wants him. She rests her hand over his when his forehead touches hers and watches their breath mingle together in the icy December air.

“Don’t ,” he says.  “Don’t stop loving me Jules. Ever. You deserve so much better than me but I’m a selfish son of a bitch and I want you. I need you and I love you too.” He pulls away from her but she pulls him back in, touching her lips to his and kisses him like she’s wanted to do for months now. And they stay like that, for who knows how long, remembering what it’s like to be young and in love.


End file.
